


30 Day WoL Challenge

by verprovoke



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Shadowbringers Spoilers, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 09:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 9,117
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24847774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verprovoke/pseuds/verprovoke
Summary: a 30 day challenge about my Warrior of Light, Jai. tags will be updated when needed.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Omen

**Author's Note:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter for more screaming about my son

“You said you saw me and Damien die, right?”

Urianger jolted at Jai’s sudden question. “I… I am afraid so.”

The lie burned in his gut like poison, but it was for the best. Or at least he would continue to tell himself that.

Jai hummed quietly as he reached up to place another book on Urianger’s shelf. The Miqo’te had been kind enough to offer his help in tidying up Urianger’s home. “You don’t usually get visions, though. At least not that I remember.”

“Ah, the Exarch believes it was the stress of traveling between worlds.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Jai’s tail flicked behind him as he picked through a pile of papers. “I wish it could’ve been a better vision, though. I’m sorry you had to see that.”

Urianger let out a breath he didn’t know he had been holding. He had been worried Jai figured out his ruse for a moment. The man was smarter than most gave him credit for.

“Ah, yes. Tis a shame, but if it will help prevent such an end, I will gladly live with this knowledge.”

And he would live with the guilt of betraying his friends if it meant saving them.


	2. Unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damien worries, but he'll never admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damien belongs to my bestie!  
> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

Damien was used to finding Jai slumped against Haurchefant’s grave, eyes closed in a restless sleep. Everytime they traveled to Coerthas, it was inevitable that it would happen at least once. 

The Miqo’te’s ears twitched and he blinked open bleary eyes that were red and puffy, obviously from crying. Despite that, he smiled brightly. “Ah, Damien! Sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep this time.”

Damien moved closer and hummed. “I’m sure.” _You didn’t want to sleep,_ he didn’t say. _You wanted to die._

Jai stood, his legs shaky. He dusted the snow off his large coat. “I was just telling him of our latest adventures.” _Ones he should’ve gone on._

“I see. I’m sure he enjoyed it.”

Jai grinned, his tail flicking back and forth. “I hope so!”

_It should’ve been me buried here._

Damien didn’t say that he knew exactly what Jai was thinking. He didn’t say that he’d heard the man whisper it after a nightmare. He didn’t say how often he’d heard Jai crying into his pillow at night.

_Please don’t join him, _he didn’t say.__

__He sighed wearily. “Do you need help walking back?”_ _

__Jai laughed. “Of course not!”_ _

__“Good, because I’m not carrying you.”_ _

__He let Jai walk ahead of him before looking back at the grave. _You can’t have him yet.__ _


	3. Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jai and Ryne have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

“Alright. I think we should rest for a bit,” Jai said, looking at Ryne as she panted heavily.

Ryne smiled weakly. “I believe that would be wise.”

The two sat beside each other on the ground under a tree in Ilh Mehg. Jai handed the small girl a waterskin, which she took gratefully.

“Thank you,” she said after draining half the water. “I did not realize just how draining dodging could be.”

“Hmm,” Jai replied, sipping at the water. “Any part of a fight can be exhausting, but they’re all necessary.” He looked at her with a grin. “You’re doing a lot better, by the way.”

Ryne positively _beamed_ at the praise. “Thank you.”

“I’m still confused on why you asked _me_ to help you, though. I’m a ranged fighter, not melee.”

“Yes, well…” Ryne played with a flower she’d picked. “You’re nicer than everyone else when training me.”

Jai gave a wry smile. “In other words, I go easy on you.”

“N-No! That’s not what I meant!” She looked away. “It feels like you understand that I can’t get everything right away. I haven’t been fighting that long and I know I need to get better, but some things are still difficult. While I love everyone for trying to help, I think they expect too much of me sometimes.”

“I can understand that.” Jai leaned against the trunk of the tree, closing his eyes. “Having a lofty title like the Oracle of Light comes with certain expectations, even if they don’t know it consciously.” He blew out a breath. “I think they forget that we’re mortal.”

“We’re?”

Jai cursed under his breath. “Sorry, I meant _you’re_ mortal.” He laughed self consciously, his ears flicking rapidly. “No need to bring my issues into this.”

Ryne moved closer, laying her head on his shoulder. He was surprised for a moment, but let her. She was probably still a touch starved child beneath it all. He could relate.

“I think,” she began. “That your insight would be helpful. I’m not the only one with a lofty title.”

Jai chuckled. “I suppose you’re right.”

“How do you handle it? The expectations, I mean?”

“If I’m honest, not well. I wish I could give some grand speech about dealing with it, but that’s never been what I’m good at. I think, honestly, after a while I just… stopped caring. Not in a bad way, mind, more just…” He paused in thought. “I think more in a “people are going to assume things about me and I can’t stop that” kind of way.”

“What do you mean?”

“The title follows you. You can’t change that. But I think that accepting that is part of moving forward. People will expect things of you that you simply can’t provide and that’s not your fault. We’re mortal. We bleed and cry and hurt and scar just like them. We make mistakes like them. I think after a while, I started to realize that and the title just… stopped mattering to me.”

Ryne laughed quietly. “You’re smarter than you let on, Jai.”

Jai shushed her. “Don’t let the others know.” He played with her hair, almost like he would with another Miqo’te. “But honestly, you’re doing your best and no one should expect more of you. You’re still young. You have plenty of time to grow and learn.” He stood up, stretching his arms. “Now, speaking of that, I think our break is over, kitten.”

Ryne giggled at the nickname as she stood. “Okay. I’m going to get close to you this time!”

Jai smiled and ruffled her hair. “I look forward to it.”


	4. Whimsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jai spends a day with the fae.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

“You haven’t come to play with us in ages!”

Jai laughed at the pixie braiding his hair. “I was here last week!”

“Yes and that was _so long_ ago!” Another pixie fluttered around him, gathering flowers. They pointed at him. “You didn’t even bring a present!”

“That’s not true at all,” he replied. “I brought you cookies. Handmade, might I add.”

“Hm, I suppose we can accept those.” They held up a blue flower, waiting for Jai’s nod before placing it in his hair. “I suppose we can forgive you for being gone for long.”

“I appreciate your amazing kindness,” Jai replied blandly.

The pixie beamed. “You’re welcome!”

***

Seto chuckled at Jai, who’s braided hair was now blue. “I see you spent time with the pixies.”

Jai glared at him. “Yes. I think they felt I needed a change.” He sighed. “I’ll get it changed back later.”

“Perhaps you should keep it. I believe it suits you.”

Jai stopped brushing the large Amaro’s leg feathers. “I can let them clean you if you want. Maybe they’ll think _you_ need a change.”

“...Point taken.”

***

“No, really, you don’t have to repay me.” Jai practically pleaded with the Nu Mou in front of him. “I just needed to deliver this to you.”

“But I must! I cannot let your kindness go unnoticed!”

Jai sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing further. “Alright. Can you dye hair?”


	5. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if Jai had sacrificed himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter

Jai knew that what he was doing was foolish. Idiotic. Quite possibly the worst idea he’d ever had. He knew it probably wouldn’t work. He knew it was a gamble.

But he had to try.

He stumbled through Amaurot, feeling the cracking light in his skull. He knew he didn’t have much time until he turned. He felt his heart beating rapidly in his chest and he felt like he could be sick at any moment. 

He needed more time, but as he leaned against a wall trying to catch his breath, he realized he didn’t have enough.

“Well, well, the hero of the hour here alone? I did not think they would let you off your leash so easily.”

Jai opened bleary eyes, barely able to make out the shape of Emet-Selch. “I came… to talk to you.”

“Oh, well consider me honored.” Emet-Selch bowed dramatically before looking up with cold eyes. “But I believe I told you to come when you were turned.”

Jai laughed quietly, though that action made him feel close to passing out. “Aren’t I close enough for you to at least consider it?”

“Hmm, I suppose I can be generous and listen to what you wish to say.”

“Thank you.” Jai slid to the ground, coughing heavily. “I want… you to spare Damien. Take… take the light from him and put it in me.”

Emet-Selch raised an eyebrow. “And what makes you think I can do that?”

“Please don’t insult me. I know you can’t do it for me; I’m too far gone. We both know that. But he still has time. The light… hasn’t gotten to him that heavily yet.”

Emet-Selch grinned. “You are much smarter than you let on, hero. You are right. I could in fact save him, but what makes you think I _would_?”

“Because you’ll get me.”

“I shall get _you_?” Emet-Selch laughed, leaning down to look into Jai’s eyes. “And what makes you think that would be a fair trade? You are so close to death that you would be of no use to me.”

“Ha… you’re probably right. I don’t think I can fight this much longer.” He glared up at Emet-Selch. “But I had to try, right?”

Emet-Selch blew out an annoyed breath. “Such a troublesome hero. Can you stand?”

Jai shook his head. “Not really, no.”

Emet-Selch sighed dramatically. “Fine.” He snapped his fingers and suddenly the two were in an empty room.

Jai tried to look around, but his eyesight was getting worse. “Where are we?”

“Somewhere private. No need to worry.” Jai could hear the clack of Emet-Selch’s shoes on the floor. “I have decided to accept your offer.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I cannot promise that your sacrifice will be worthwhile, but I’m nothing if not a gracious host.”

“What’s gonna happen to me?”

“Do you really want to know?”

Jai laughed weakly. “Probably not.”

“Good. Now,” Emet-Selch walked in front of him and touched his forehead. “I think you have earned your rest, hero.”

With that, Jai closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta admit, not Super proud of this one but glad i wrote it anyway  
> and yes jai's lightwarden name would be forgiven sacrifice.


	6. Shattered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jai isn't as he once was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

Jai cursed as his mug hit the stone floor, breaking into several pieces. He sighed and went to the bathroom in the Walking Sands to grab a rag. He started to clean his mess, but accidentally cut himself on a piece of mug.

“Fuck.” He stared at the drop of blood already forming. “I need to wrap this up, I guess.”

“Could thou not simply heal it?”

Jai’s ears perked up at the sound of Urianger’s voice. “Ah, it’s just a small cut. No need to, uh, waste energy on that, right?”

Urianger leaned down and helped him pick up more of the broken mug. “I feel as though that makes healing it even more sensical. Thou art an outstanding white mage. It should take no energy.”

Jai didn’t have the heart to tell Urianger the truth; that his aether was far too damaged now to do even a simple healing spell. The fight with Nidhogg had drained him in multiple ways, but pulling out the eye from Estinien had shattered his aether beyond repair. Even teleporting was increasingly difficult and left him drained for hours.

“Really, don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Ah! And you don’t have to help clean! This was my mess.”

“Tis no trouble.” Urianger smiled. “Thou does plenty for us. Tis only fair.”

“I… Yeah…”

He didn’t do enough, but he didn’t want to argue that point.

Urianger startled him by taking his hand, sending warm healing aether into it. “The cut was deeper than I thought, I am afraid. If thou dost not want to heal it, then I shall.”

Jai blushed and looked away. “I… Thank you.”

“As I said, tis not a bother.” Urianger pulled away with a confused look. “Have thou fought recently? Thou aether is… weak.”

Jai laughed nervously. “Ah, yeah. I just need some rest, I’m sure!”

Urianger narrowed his eyes. “Jai, thou aether is damaged, is it not?”

Jai gulped. “I… I’m fine, really.”

“Do not lie to me. I am no fool.”

Jai felt like he was being scolded like a child. “I said I’m fine!” He forced himself to his feet. “Thank you for healing my finger. I’ll make sure I can do what needs to be done. Don’t worry.” He turned to leave.

Urianger stood and grabbed Jai’s arm. “Jai, I am merely worried. I am sorry if I offended thee, but I doth not want thee to walk away angry.” His hand tightened a little and Jai could feel it shaking. “Please.”

Jai turned around. “I’m sorry. I’m not… mad at you.” His ears lowered, tail tucking between his legs. “I’m mad at myself more than anything. What… What do I do now?”

“If Thancred and Y’Shtola are anything to go by, thou wilt continue to be amazing.”

Jai laughed weakly. “I think there’s a big difference between me and them, but thank you.”

“I believe thou art incredible, Jai. Thou just need to believe it yourself.”

“I… I’ll try.”

Urianger smiled. “Good. Now, I brought a new book for thee. I think thou wilst enjoy it.”

Jai’s ears perked up as he followed after Urianger. “Is it another history book?”

“Of course. Come. We can read it over tea.”

“I also brought those cookies you like!”

“All the better, my friend. All the better.”


	7. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jai and Thancred needed to talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

Thancred couldn’t get a read on Jai. Not in a bad way, mind; the Miqo’te was dependable and always got his work done without a complaint. However that was almost part of the problem. Sometimes, Thancred wondered if the man even had feelings.

So, he decided to take the man out on a small recon mission followed by a stop at a pub. The mission went perfectly, which was no surprise. Jai was somehow perfectly suited for missions that needed secrecy. 

Next stop was the pub, which Jai seemed much more unsure of. Thancred ordered them some ales and found a table near the window for them to sit. Jai stared out the window, chin resting on one of his hands.

“Tell me about yourself,” Thancred finally said to break the silence.

Jai glanced at him before moving his attention back outside. “Why?”

Thancred blinked. “Because… I want to get to know you?”

Jai looked at him. “I’m not a fool, Thancred. I know you already know everything about me. You wouldn’t have let me join if you didn’t.”

Thancred tried to look surprised. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Jai rolled his eyes with a huff. “You’re obviously the one that does recon on every new recruit. A bard is perfectly fit for it. I should know.”

Thancred laughed quietly. “I think you’re going to end up taking my place with that intelligence.”

That brought a small smile. “Doubtful.”

“I don’t know. I think you should give yourself more credit.” He tilted his head towards the door. “But I think we should move this conversation outside.”

Jai nodded and stood, pushing away from the table. “You’re right.”

The two walked outside and found a secluded area to speak. Thancred blew out a rough breath. “So, me knowing your past upset you that much?”

Jai leaned against a wall, once again avoiding eye contact. “You’re the only one that knows. I don’t… like talking about it.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Jai. You can’t control the stuff that happens to you.”

“I know that, but it’s hard, ya know? I don’t like thinking about anything that happened before I joined the Adders.”

“I admit there wasn’t a lot of info about that, but people in Ul’dah are willing to say a lot for the right price.”

“Yeah, why do you think I left as soon as I could?”

Thancred let out an awkward laugh. “I can’t say I blame you.” He sighed. “Look. No one else knows. I told Minfillia that you were on the up and up and that’s it. Even if they _did_ know, they wouldn’t judge you.”

Jai rubbed his arm, looking more uncomfortable than Thancred had ever seen him. “Look, I get it. I know all of us had our struggles. I’m not a fool. But admitting that you had to steal and fight to survive is hard, alright.” He let out a weak laugh. “Hell, I fought in the coliseum. I lost, but…”

“None of that is something to be ashamed of. Believe me, I’d know that more than anyone.”

Jai finally looked at him. “What?”

“My childhood was similar to yours. Orphaned, fought and stole, the whole thing.” Thancred smiled. “I’m not saying that to belittle you. I’m just saying… I can relate to what you went through.”

“I…” Jai worried his lip. “Thank you. For telling me.” He smiled. “I’m sorry for being so rude to you.”

Thancred laughed. “Don’t worry about it. I can’t blame you. Everyone likes to remind me that I’m an arse.”

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“Nah, no need to be nice.” Thancred placed his hand on Jai’s shoulder. “Now, come on. I still owe you drinks.”

Jai grinned. “Sounds good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes hello comments/kudos give me a serotonin boost holds out hands pls


	8. Tomorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

“What do you plan to do when this is all over?”

Jai blinked up at Cid as the Miqo’te tinkered with one of the Garlean’s machines. His machinist training ended up being useful for more than just fighting, it seemed.

“When what’s all over?”

Cid waved a hand. “All this… Warrior of Light business.”

Jai laughed quietly. “I don’t really think there’s a retirement plan for it, Cid.”

“Maybe, but you have to have something you’d want to do.”

“The vaunted Warrior of Light? Not being forced into the whims of the people? I find that doubtful, Garlond,” Nero chimed in from across the room, leaning against a workbench. 

“No one asked your opinion,” Cid grumbled before turning his attention back to Jai. “But do you? Have something you’d want to do?”

Jai stood, wiping some oil onto his pants. “I haven’t thought about it, really. It’s kinda hard to think about stuff like that when you’re trying to just make it to the next day.”

“I suppose so,” Cid responded, a sad tilt to his voice. “I just feel like if anyone deserves to rest eventually, it’s you.”

“Yes, Jai, I too would love to hear your precious dreams,” Nero said. Jai could detect at least a _little_ truth to the words, which was surprising.

Jai thought for a moment. “I think I’d open a bakery, honestly.” 

Both of the Garleans looked at each other before back to him. “A bakery?”

Jai shrugged, feeling embarrassed. “Yeah. I like to bake in my free time.”

“So,” Nero began. “Those treats you bring from time to time. You made them?”

Jai nodded. “Of course. Where did you think they came from?”

“I assumed you bought them. I’ll have to savor them more carefully from now on.”

Jai blushed a bit, looking away. “It’s… really not that important.”

“I disagree,” Cid replied, finally climbing down from the Magitek he was working on. “If I had known you took the time to make them, I would have appreciated them more.”

“Thank you.” Jai laughed nervously. “I’ll be sure to bring them more often from now on.”

“But a bakery? How quaint,” Nero said. 

“What did you expect?” Jai asked quietly.

“Hmm, perhaps a political job. You have a way of making people follow you.”

Jai laughed with a shake of his head. “No way in hell. If I get to stop doing… this… I want to be as far removed from any of that as possible.”

“How positively dull,” Nero moaned dramatically.

“Not all of us want to risk death at every turn, Nero,” Cid responded.

“As I said, dull.”

Jai watched the two bicker with a smile on his face. He might be willing to wear his title for a while longer. If only to continue to see his friends like this.


	9. Infinity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

“Hah!” Hythlodaeus laughed, startling Damien and Jai. “This is just the fate I might expect for one such as he. Surely Emet-Selch recognized the hint of “him” in you…?”

“Him?” Damien asked.

“Damien Ra?” the Clerk called. 

“Fair you well, my new old friend. May you find what it is you seek.”

Jai watched Damien make his way to the counter, unsure how to feel about this revelation. He’d known there was someone walking beside Damien; much like Hythlodaeus, he could see the hue clear as day. At the same time, he felt somewhat empty that he didn’t seem to have the same destiny.

“You seem troubled, little one.”

Jai started, looking over to see Hythlodaeus staring at him. “I thought you’d left.”

“Hm hm, perhaps for your friend, but you can still see me it seems.”

“I… Oh.” He pulled his knees close to his chest. “If I admit I’m not sure how to feel about that, what would you say?”

“I think it wise to question things, little one. Especially in a place such as this.”

Jai gave a weak smile. “I suppose you’re right, though it feels like my life is only filled with questions and very few answers.” 

He grew silent as he watched Damien leave; presumably off to try and talk sense into Emet-Selch. He would join him later, of course, but he’d never been good at controlling his emotions in times like these and the Light raging inside him wasn’t helping matters. It was better for him to stay behind. It was better for him to wait.

It was better.

It was _better…_

Jai screamed as the Light crackled in his mind, sending a wave of pain through his body. His ears pinned back on his head hard enough that even _they_ hurt. He was going to die here. The Light was finally going to win. Damien would have to kill him. He would have to-

“Little one?”

Jai felt a large hand on his shoulder and suddenly the pain was just… gone. He looked up at Hythlodaeus, feeling tears still prickling his eyes. “What… What did you do?”

Though he couldn’t see it, he knew Hythlodaeus was smiling. “It seems we are connected. I merely helped calm the Light inside you.”

Jai’s eyes widened. “What?”

“I believe your friend, Damien was it?” At Jai’s nod, he continued. “He is connected to another. One very important to Emet-Selch. It would seem we also share such a connection.”

“That… Are you sure?”

“A soul knows it’s other half, little one, no matter how fractured it may be.”

“But you’re… not really here, are you?”

Hythlodaeus hummed. “Perhaps not in the true way, but I am very much _here_ thanks to Emet-Selch.”

Jai shook his head with a weak laugh. “All of this makes my head hurt.”

Hythlodaeus chuckled. “I cannot blame you for that.” He paused before speaking again. “I do not believe I will be here for much longer, so I would like to help you.”

“Help me?”

“The Light will overtake you soon. I wish to stop that.”

Jai’s eyes widened. “You… You can?”

“I believe so.” He held out his hands, a small stone forming between them. He handed it gently to Jai. “I think… this should contain the Light inside you. You will know the right time to use it.”

“And if it doesn’t?” Jai sighed. “Actually, don’t answer that.” He held the stone close to his chest. “Thank you.”

“You are most welcome, little one.”


	10. Pillow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Claran belongs to magickus!  
> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

Someone was rubbing his ear and speaking quietly. Jai couldn’t deny that both were incredibly nice and he was only a _little_ embarrassed by the purr that left his throat. He slowly opened his eyes, seeing his friend Claran with a tome in his hands.

Jai rubbed his eyes. “Sorry for falling asleep on you,” he mumbled, voice still slurred from sleep.

“It’s not a problem,” Claran replied with a small smile. “You seemed tired.”

Jai laughed. “Doesn’t that come with the job description?”

“Maybe. All the more reason to get some rest when we can.”

“I suppose so, yeah.” He was silent for a bit before speaking again. “Urianger used to do this for me, especially in the early days. I have pretty intense insomnia and he would just… read to me until I could sleep.” He laughed quietly. “Probably ended up with neck issues because of me.”

“Do you miss him?”

“I miss all of them,” Jai responded carefully.

“Of course you do, but that’s not what I asked.”

Jai looked up into Claran’s eyes. He couldn’t see any judgement, so he spoke. “I do. I think… I got closer to him than I thought I would. I love them all dearly, but with him it was… different.”

Claran hummed. “Well, until he returns, I’m more than happy to be your pillow.”

Jai snuggled closer. “Thank you.”


	11. Sacred

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me @verprovoke on twitter!

Haurchefant was sometimes amazed at how easily people were willing to follow Jai. The man was short (even shorter than most male Miqo’te Haurchefant has met) and didn’t particularly seem like a fighter at first glance. After sparring with him a few times, Haurchefant realized how wrong of an assumption that was.

He remembered once, after _far_ too many mugs of wine, that he told Jai that he believed the warrior was a primal. Jai laughed it off and offered to take Haurchefant home with nary a complaint. 

Haurchefant knew, obviously, that Jai was mortal. However, he could admit that the amount people looked up to the Miqo’te was astounding. He couldn’t say it wasn’t earned, but it was still amazing to see.

He truly felt like sometimes he was watching the worship of a sacred being before his very eyes.

***

It wasn’t until months later that he found out his god had a weakness. He’d gone to Jai with a problem he needed help with (he honestly couldn’t remember what it was anymore) and found the man curled up in his cot. At first, it was endearing seeing the strong warrior in such a soft state.

And then he heard the crying.

It was quiet and if he didn’t have better hearing than most, he might not have heard it. He argued with himself on whether or not he should say anything and his worried state won out.

“Jai?”

Jai’s tail stood straight up as he peaked out from above his blanket. “Ha-Haurchefant?”

“Are you okay,” Haurchefant said quietly, sitting on the edge of the cot. “I heard…”

Jai sat up, pulling his knees close to his chest. “Ah. You heard me crying.” He smiled, but it looked forced. “Don’t worry about it. It happens sometimes. I’ll be fine by the morning.”

“Do you wish to talk about it? I’m here to listen.”

Jai was silent for long enough that Haurchefant nearly retracted his question before the man spoke. “It’s… dark,” he whispered. “I don’t… like the dark.” He gave a watery smile. “Pathetic, right?”

“Of course not. Everyone has their fears, my friend.”

Jai buried his face in his knees. “Maybe,” he muttered. “But my fear is pathetic. What kind of adult can’t handle being in the dark?”

“I’m sure there are plenty. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Jai simply breathed in and out slowly, like he was grounding himself. “When my parents died,” he began and Haurchefant felt his heart already breaking. “I was left alone in our home for a week. I didn’t know how to light candles so… I just stayed in the dark, waiting for them to come home.”

“Jai…”

Jai shook his head. “It’s over now. It’s in the past. I _should_ be over it by now.”

“Things like that don’t go away so easily.” Haurchefant leaned back on his hands. “From what I can see, you are doing your best. That is all anyone can ask of you.”

“I… Thank you.” Jai smiled weakly. “It… means a lot. I think I can sleep now.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

Jai gulped. “Could you stay? Just until I fall asleep?”

“I would be happy to.”

Perhaps the Warrior of Light was not a god, but Haurchefant still felt like he’d learned something sacred about the man.


	12. Keep

_”Mama, can I get that blanket?”_

_Jai’s mother smiled down at him. He couldn’t see her face. He barely remembered it anymore._

_“Do you really want it?”_

_He nodded quickly, his ears almost flopping into his face. “Yeah!”_

_“All right. You better sleep with it every night, though!”_

_“I will! I promise!”_

***

“So, this will be your room,” Thancred said, gesturing to the small room. It had a bed and a small stove and very little else.

To Jai it was huge.

“Thank you,” he responded, setting his heavy bag on the bed.

“Is that all you have?”

Jai laughed quietly. “Afraid so. I was used to not having a lot, so the feeling stuck, I guess.”

“Hmm, not a bad thing, I suppose.”

Jai pulled out a light blue blanket, carefully unfolding it over the bed. Thancred pushed away from the doorframe to look at it.

“I’d think we pay you enough for a new blanket, my friend.”

Jai smoothed the fabric out with a wince. “It’s… special to me.”

“Say no more.” Thancred clapped him on the shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything, all right? I’m two doors down.”

“I will. Thank you.”

***

A year later and the Scions had moved to the Rising Stones. Jai’s blanket moved along with him, of course. There were more people and of course people asked about it. He was still hesitant to tell the truth of its importance, but most left it alone after a while.

This night, he was alone on a couch, his blanket over him as he read from a short tome. His ears flicked as he heard soft steps near him. He looked up to see Urianger standing over him with a small smile. Jai closed his book and grinned.

“Didn’t expect to see you around here. Especially at this hour.”

The Elezen chuckled and sat down on the end of the couch. “There wast business I did need to attendeth to and it hath seemed wise to stayeth here for the night.”

“Seems like a good idea, yeah.” Jai placed his book on a table near them. “Well, I’m going to be up for a while, so I’m here to chat if you need it.”

“I wouldst appreciate that, my friend.” His eyes followed Jai’s movements before widening. “Is that the booketh i gaveth thee at which hour thee first did join?”

“Huh? Yeah. I was re-reading it again.”

“Again?”

Jai nodded with a hum. “I tend to read it at least once a month. I really like it.”

“I… I am honored thee bethink so highly of it.”

“Of course I do. You gave it to me.”

Urianger seemed speechless after that.

***

“You still have that gun?” Damien asked after a battle, seeing the gun he was positive he’d given Jai on a whim.

“Yep!” Jai holstered said gun with a grin. “I like it!”

Damien huffed out a breath. “You should get a new one.”

“Nah. This one works fine. Besides, you gave it to me.”

Damien rolled his eyes and started walking. “Weirdo.”

Jai laughed as he ran after Damien. “Love you too!”

***

Jai gently placed the shield Lord Fortemps had given him next to his bed. He wiped it down with a cloth and smiled.

“I promise I’ll keep it safe.”


	13. Healing

Jai stared at the ceiling from his bed in the Fortemps Manor, willing himself to go to sleep. It wasn’t working, but he wanted to at least pretend for a while. He sighed and pushed himself out of his bed, his bare feet hitting the floor. He slipped on some clothes and his large coat and left the home as quietly as he could.

He stepped into the freezing Ishgard night and pulled his hood over his head. He was sadly used to walking around at this time. The guards of the Manor merely nodded to him, knowing that saying anything was pointless. He’d done this so many times that they were just used to it.

He soon found himself in front of the Vault, merely staring up at the structure. The sheer anger that he once felt had melted, but he couldn’t deny that he would always be bitter. Ishgard had taken so much from him, but despite everything, it felt like home.

Even he couldn’t deal with the contradiction.

He blew out a breath, watching it form in the cold air, and started his walk to the Forgotten Knight. Even if he wouldn’t drink (he still couldn’t trust anyone else with his drinks), it would be a place to just calm down for a while. He was almost there when he heard a voice calling out to him.

“Jai, my friend!”

Jai turned to see Aymeric walking towards him. “You’re up late, Ser Aymeric.”

Aymeric smiled. “Just Aymeric, I’ve told you. And I could say the same to you.”

Jai shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Couldn’t sleep. Thought a walk might help.”

“Were you going to head to the tavern? I could join you.”

Jai smiled wearily. “I’m sure you have more important things to do then that.”

“Nonsense. I doubt sleep will come to either of us soon. I can buy you a drink. It is the least I can do.”

Jai worried his lip. “I… don’t know if I’ll accept the drink, but I can at least accept the company.”

Aymeric’s smile dimmed as he thought on Jai’s words. “If you prefer, we could go to my home. I promise my drinks are safe.”

“I…” Jai nodded. “I would like that.”

***

Jai slumped onto a comfy couch in Aymeric’s living room. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Aymeric brought him a small glass of wine. “It is no problem, Jai. I quite enjoy your company.”

“Heh, thank you.” He sipped at the wine carefully. “I can’t say a lot of people agree with you lately, but I appreciate it.”

“Nonsense.” Aymeric sat near him on the couch. “You are a joy to be around. Anyone that disagrees is a fool.”

Jai was silent for a moment. “I haven’t been. Not lately.”

Aymeric considered that. “I believe you are… warranted in your feelings.”

“I miss him,” Jai replied, putting his glass down on a table. He practically curled in on himself. “I want to move on, but it feels like I never will.”

“Unfortunately, healing from something like that… it takes time, my friend.”

“I know, believe me, but it doesn’t make it easier.” He stared at the fire Aymeric had lit when they arrived. “I blamed you for a while,” he whispered. “I hated myself for it.”

“I cannot blame you, Jai. Fury knows, I blamed myself as well.”

Jai looked at him. “You shouldn’t have. _I_ shouldn’t have. It wasn’t fair to you.”

Aymeric smiled. “Thank you, but I could say something similar to you, I’m sure. It wasn’t your fault either.”

Jai closed his eyes, feeling them water. “I don’t know about that, but thank you.”

Aymeric let out a breath before pulling Jai against him. Jai blinked up at him in surprise before settling against him. “The only people to blame are those that killed him, my friend. Please remember that.”

“I’ll try.” He nuzzled closer. “Thank you.”

“It is no trouble, Jai. No trouble at all.”


	14. Gods

Jai didn’t particularly believe in the gods. He knew the irony in that, given that he had been blessed by one, but he couldn’t control how he felt. He’d never seen the point in worshipping beings that never did _anything_ for him.

Then in his travels as a Warrior of Light, he’d fought primals. He’d seen the downside of blind worship and seen how dangerous it could make those beings. His feelings on gods changed, but not for the better. Now they were _dangerous_ beings that needed to be defeated and destroyed.

During the infiltration of the Praetorium, Gaius had asked if he believed in the gods. Jai stayed quiet then, unwilling to let his enemy know the truth. In all honesty, he _agreed_ with a lot of what Gaius said, but he stayed quiet and let the man speak. He stayed quiet like he always did, unwilling to let his true beliefs rise to the surface.

They fled to Ishgard and Jai saw more blind worship of gods. He saw beliefs destroying a country and endangering its citizens. He saw corruption run rampant and unchecked. He saw those in charge willing to lie to continue a false belief.

He saw his lover die in front of him because of those people.

He never forgave Ishgard.

He went to the First. He learned the god that blessed him was a primal. He felt he should be surprised, but he wasn’t. The Scions were. They didn’t want to believe it. Jai stayed silent. 

He always stayed silent.

He ended the life of another god. He saw Hades fall before him. Unlike the others, he couldn’t stay silent.

“I promise. I will remember you.”

He thought Hades smiled before he disappeared.

He walked away with the belief in one god.


	15. Wonderful

During his downtime in the First, Jai usually ended up at Urianger’s home. Even when the Elezen wasn’t home, it simply felt like the nicest place to be. It was filled with books and Urianger kept it stocked with food and tea. It was honestly a perfect respite for Jai after everything.

This day, for example, Jai simply curled up on a plush couch with a book on Fae history. Despite everyone else’s worries about them, Jai found them infinitely fascinating. He supposed Urianger must as well, considering where he’d decided to live.

He was about a fourth through the book when he heard the door open. He looked up and smiled at Urianger as he walked in.

“Hope you don’t mind that I came in without you.”

Urianger smiled as he made his way over. “Thee knoweth I always enjoyeth thy company.”

Jai made room for his friend on the couch, which Urianger took as he sat down. “I’m glad, because I also made some bread.”

Urianger chuckled, slipping off his shoes. “Full glad am I to be graced with thy baking skills.”

Jai’s ears and tail flicked happily even as he blushed. “They’re not that impressive, but thank you.”

“I believe we have talked about they tendency towards self deprecation, my friend.”

“Ha. Yeah, you’re right. I’m trying to get better, but it's slow work.” He closed his book and placed it between his crossed legs. 

“I know,” Urianger smiled sadly, patting Jai between his ears. “Thou wilt perfect it one day.”

“I’m glad one of us has faith in me.”

“Of course I do.” Urianger leaned forward and kissed Jai’s forehead. “Thou art wonderful.”

Jai blushed brightly. “I… Th-Thank you.” He coughed and looked away. “Anyway, I-I think we should have that bread now!”

Urianger merely smiled.


	16. Hello

“Mister, you’re the Warrior of Darkness, right?”

Jai looked behind him to see a small mystel girl. He smiled and crouched down a little to look at her. “One of them, yes.”

Her eyes widened and her tail wagged happily. “And you’re a mystel like me? That’s so cool!”

Jai chuckled. “I sure am.” He ruffled her hair. “What’s your name?”

The girl beamed. “Kira!”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Kira.” He grinned as he stood up. “But I’m sure you have better things to do than talk to this old man.”

Kira giggled, her ears flicking. “You’re not _that_ old.” She tilted her head in thought. “I’m sure you’re only barely older than mom.”

Jai let out an exaggerated sigh. “I’m sure you’re right.” He looked around. “Where is she, by the way?”

“Huh? Oh! She’s at the markets. I was supposed to grab something for her but I, uh, forgot.”

Jai laughed quietly and took her hand. “Well, let’s go find her, huh?”

“Okay!”

Jai and Kira walked over to the markets, the small girl speaking the entire time. Jai tried to keep up with the conversation, but he could admit he was more worried about finding her mother. After a bit, Kira pointed excitedly to an older mystel woman. 

“There she is!”

The woman turned around with a relieved look on her face as Kira ran over. “There you are. I was worried.”

Kira’s ears lowered. “I’m sorry. I’ll stick closer to you next time. I promise.”

“I’m glad.” The mother looked up, her eyes widening when she saw Jai. “I… I’m sorry for her bothering you. I’m sure you have much bigger things to deal with than a lost child.”

Jai smiled. “A lost child will never be a small thing to me.” He ruffled Kira’s hair as she giggled. “Your daughter is a delite. You’re lucky to have each other.”

The mother smiled fondly. “I tell myself that everyday. Is there any way I can repay you?”

Jai was already walking off with a wave of his hand. “No need! You two have a good day!” He walked to the Pendants and saw Thancred leaning against the wall outside. “Sorry I’m late. Had something to take care of.”

Thancred chuckled as he pushed away from the wall. “I saw. Tis good to see you have a fan.”

Jai rolled his eyes. “She was just lost. Now, come on. Sin Eaters aren’t going to kill themselves.”

Thancred laughed and slapped Jai on the shoulder. “Wishful thinking indeed.”


	17. Gentle

Jai was sick.

Y’Shtola would be a rather poor healer if she didn’t notice. He was obviously trying to hide it; wandering around the Rising Stones and speaking to people like it was a normal day. But he was doing a poor enough job for her to notice. At first, she’d tried to ignore it, to be honest. He was a perfectly capable adult who could take care of himself. She was not his mother nor caregiver, so why should she care if he was being a fool?

However, after she watched him nearly fall over from fever, she decided to step in.

She walked up to him and grabbed his wrist. “Come with me.” Jai went with her without complaint. She pulled him into his room and pointed to the bed. “Sit.”

He sat down on the bed, his ears lowering. “Did I do something wrong?”

He looked ready to be scolded, so she tried to gentle her expression. “You did nothing wrong aside from not resting. You’re sick, are you not?”

“I… Maybe a little.”

She placed the back of her hand against his forehead. “I do not believe it’s a small sickness. You’re burning up, Jai.” She pulled away. “How long have you been like this?”

Jai looked away. “A day, I think? It’s kind of a blur, if I’m honest.”

Y’Shtola clicked her tongue and walked over to his sink, wetting a small rag. “Lay down for me.”

“...Why?”

“Because you need rest and I intend to make sure you get it.”

“Really, Y’Shtola, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Y’Shtola spun around and frowned at him. “Well, apparently someone should, since you will not do it.”

Jai looked ready to argue but finally just slipped off his shoes. “Fine. I can see that there’s no point in fighting with you and I’m honestly too tired to try.” 

“Good.” She let out a relieved breath. “Do you wish to change?”

“I… Yeah I probably should.” He stood on slightly shaky legs. “I’ll be right back.” With that he walked into his bathroom.

Y’Shtola took the time alone to walk around his room. He had a small pile of books next to his bed, most of which she recognized as history books. There was a slightly ragged blue blanket on his bed that looked quite old. She walked towards the small kitchen, surprised that it looked so well used. She could admit most of the Scions didn’t cook too often, but Jai seemed to rather enjoy it.

It was in that moment that she realized how… little she knew of one of their Warriors of Light. She knew enough, she supposed. She knew he was more than a capable fighter. She knew he did most things assigned to him without complaint.

However, if asked to name his interests or history, she would come up blank. She recalled that he spent a lot of time with Urianger and Damien, but other than that, she couldn’t remember him hanging around with the others too much.

She sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. “Have I truly become so ignorant?”

“I don’t think you’re capable of being ignorant,” Jai said as he walked in, wearing a loose sweater and sweatpants. “You’re pretty smart.”

Y’Shtola chuckled wearily. “Thank you.” She stood. “Now, I believe you need to rest.”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He moved to the bed and laid under the blankets, pulling that blue one as close as he could.

She tilted her head as she looked at him. “Where did you get that blanket, if I may ask?”

He seemed reluctant and she was about to take the question back when he answered: “It’s one of the last things my mom gave me.”

“I see.” She gently placed the wet rag on his forehead. “You must have loved her very much.”

“I did. I miss her.”

She smiled sadly. “I’m sure you do.”

Jai snuggled into his pillow. “Thank you for worrying about me,” he whispered. “It’s nice once in a while.”

“Good. Now get some rest, okay?”


	18. Kiss

Haurchefant gave him a chocobo.

_Haurchefant gave him a chocobo._

It was a beautiful black chocobo that Haurchefant raised himself and Jai wasn’t sure how to react. So he’d just… pulled the Elezen down and kissed him. He couldn’t believe he’d done it and when a clerk came and told a bewildered Haurchefant to take the chocobo outside, Jai took the opportunity to run to the Forgotten Knight with his tail between his legs. 

He slammed the door shut for his inn room and slid to the floor. “You’re such an _idiot_!”

He’d made such a big mistake. He could only hope that Haurchefant wouldn’t hate him. He’d known for a while that he had a crush on the man, but he hoped that he would just keep the feelings to himself.

And then he kissed Haurchefant and ruined everything.

He was ready to just pass out in bed and forget his idiocy when he heard a knock at the door.

“Jai?” Haurchefant’s voice came through the door. “Are you awake?”

Jai stood up and opened the door. “Y-Yeah.” He rubbed his arm. “I… Do you want to come in?”

Haurchefant smiled. “Of course.”

Jai shut the door behind the Elezen and turned to look at him. “I… I guess I should say I’m sorry.” His ears lowered. “I can understand if you don’t want to… talk to me after this.”

Haurchefant looked genuinely surprised, which helped a little. “Why would I do that?”

“Because I… I kissed you without permission.”

Haurchefant let out a breath before bending down and kissing Jai. Jai’s tail and ears stood on end before he calmed.

Haurchefant pulled away with a smile. “There. Now we’re even.”


	19. Judgement

Jai was used to a certain amount of judgement from people who met him. He knew what he looked like to someone that didn’t know him; short, slightly feminine looking, pretty slim. He didn’t look like a fighter. He’d gotten used to the stares of disbelief when he was introduced as a Warrior of Light. He’d been surprised when the Scions didn’t act surprised, though he guessed they had seen odder things. Even Damien, who was probably two fulms taller than him, hadn’t judged him.

However, the people outside of his circle, _did_.

He remembered one such day when him and Damien were doing odd jobs around Ul’dah. They’d brought back some ingredients for a local man and he’d been rather surprised at Jai’s appearance.

He’d looked between Jai and Damien before speaking to Damien, acting like Jai wasn’t there. “Look, I ain’t judgin’ yer choices, but ya probably shouldn’t bring yer lover with you on dangerous jobs.” The man laughed, elbowing the now frowning Damien. “Doesn’t look like he could handle much more than a gentle breeze.”

Jai could see the rage in Damien building, so he grabbed his wrist. “Come on, we should go.”

He pulled Damien away from the laughing man and moved them into an alley. Damien still looked ready to punch something. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Jai sighed and looked away. “Look, I’m used to. Hells, I’m used to _worse_. At some point, you have to tune it out.”

“I think you should’ve let me punch him.”

“It wouldn’t help anything and all it would do is cause a scene.”

Damien snorted, crossing his arms. “Not like they’d give a damn here.”

Jai laughed quietly. “You’re probably right, but it’s not worth it.”

“I disagree, but fine.” Damien blew out a breath. “You know whatever they think is bullshit right?”

“Yes, I’m aware.” He patted Damien’s chest. “But thank you for getting mad for me.”

“Well someone has to apparently.”

Jai chuckled. “I’ve heard that a lot lately.” He leaned up and kissed Damien’s cheek. “Now, come on. We have more deliveries to make.”

“Ugh, fine.” Damien followed after the now moving Jai. “But if you make me talk to anyone, I’m leaving.”


	20. Laugh

“You were right.”

Jai blinked and looked up from the book he was reading on one of the Fortemps couches to see Alphinaud staring down at him. “Probably, but about what?”

Alphinaud let out a surprise bark of laughter, which is what Jai had wanted, before sitting next to him. “Your… caution about taking funds from Ul’dah.”

Jai closed his book. “You mean my absolute hatred of the idea? Because I recall it being a bit more than caution.” He sighed. “I didn’t mean to be as… vocal as I was. I’m sorry for that.”

Alphinaud shook his head. “No, you had every right to be. And as I said, you were right.” He rung his hands together, staring at his lap. “I was… foolish to believe they had pure intentions.”

Jai blew out a breath. “Maybe, yes, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be foolish or optimistic about people having good intentions.” He smiled sadly. “I just hate that you had to learn that some people will take advantage of that this way. Or this young, honestly.”

Alphinaud stiffened. “I’m not that young.”

“Hmm,” Jai hummed thoughtfully. “You’re not, I’ll admit that, but I’m seven years older than you so let me have this.” He leaned back against the arm of the sofa. “But, I don’t need an apology or anything, Alphy. I feel like you learned your lesson the hard way. We both suffered enough from this and I don’t want to draw that out.”

Alphinaud smiled softly. “I hope I can be as mature as you one day.”

Jai snorted. “You’re already _way_ more mature than I was at your age. Granted, I didn’t have the famous grandfather and fancy education, but I feel like those might have put more pressure on you than anything.” He smiled. “What I’m saying is don’t be so hard on yourself. We’ll find all of them. I truly believe that.”

“I can only hope you’re right, my friend.”

“Haven’t you learned not to doubt me yet?”

Alphinaud laughed. “You’re right. I have.”


	21. Memory

Jai sighed as he took off his glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Great, I think my sight is getting worse again.” He looked up at the ceiling before closing his eyes. He smiled softly. “I guess I don’t feel the need to hide it anymore at least.”

He could remember that not long after Nidhogg, he was resting (as ordered) in the Fortemps’ Manor. He was sat by the fire when a red bandana was thrust in front of him. He blinked up at the gifter to see Thancred smiling down at him.

“If you’re going to cover up your eye, at least do it with something other than that eyepatch. It makes you look like a shite pirate.”

Jai took the bandana with a huff. “Gee, thanks.”

Thancred laughed as he sat down on the couch across from him. “You’re quite welcome. I aim to please.” His expression turned serious. “Truly, though, how are you feeling?”

Jai smiled wearily. “I’d try to say that I’m fine, but I’m sure that would be pointless with you, huh?”

“You’re quite right, my friend.”

Jai blew out a rough breath. “I’ll admit, I’ve been better. It’s still taking some getting used to.”

Thancred smiled sadly. “I know the feeling.”

“Ha, yeah, I guess you do.” Jai laughed quietly. “I think I stole your thing. Sorry about that.”

Thancred sighed dramatically, stretching out a bit on the couch. “No one could blame you. The covered eye _does_ add a touch of dramatic mystery.” He waved a hand. “Truly, it draws a good bit of attraction from suitors.”

“Can’t say I’m too interested in _that_ at the moment, but good to know.” He took off his eyepatch, getting ready to put the cloth on when Thancred grabbed his wrist.

“Let me see.” Jai looked up at him, feeling his face flush. “There’s no need to be embarrassed. It’s a mark from a heroic deed.”

Jai laughed. “I think you’re one of the first to not tell me it was foolish, but thank you.”

“Oh, I didn’t say it wasn’t foolish, my friend, but I feel like being heroic requires a little foolishness sometimes.”

“Yeah, probably.” He finally tied the cloth around his head to cover his eye.

Thancred smiled sadly. “I hope that you will eventually find no need to hide it.”

“I could say the same to you.”

Thancred tilted his head in acknowledgement. “Perhaps, but I’d like to keep the mysterious allure going for a while.”

Jai just choked out a laugh.


End file.
